(Honestly, there is no point in blogging on a Friday before a holiday, but I do have a reason. You see there will, no doubt, be some “family gatherings” for the holiday – some of which I may have attended in another time, another place. And I would love for my “avid readers” who like to rate my posts really low and pick them apart, to have something of substance to converse about, rather than idle gossip or my mental health. So, for all of you who have made this blog necessary, you know who you are, happy reading. Maybe you’ll learn something….)
Many times, when people are accused of any crime, especially a sexually based crime with a child, they or someone around them will suggest a “Lie Detector Test” (which for the rest of this post I’ll call “LDT”). They aren’t even called that anymore, they are referred to as “Voice Stress Analysis”.
Let’s just take a look at how normal, innocent people (according to officers who have specialized in Sex Crimes and other departments for years), behave when they are accused of such a heinous act as molestation or rape of a child.
First of all, there is some emotion, other than just rage, if you are being accused by the child (and not an ex-spouse in a custody suit), let’s say in a letter which lays out the claims and then says, basically, “You’re dead to me and all of my descendants.”. They would be devastated at such claims and want to speak with the accuser to try to understand why they would say such a thing. They would be distraught over the loss of over half of their family, for instance. They would at least be visibly shaken. They may say, “I didn’t do it! I’ll take a lie detector test right here and now.”, but this would be an exclamation of emotion, not something that anyone would, obviously, be hooking them up to that very moment.
But, most of all, if you were accused of something so terrible by someone you have loved with all of your heart her entire life, you would want to do one main thing: Talk to her. I don’t believe anyone could stand in my way if one of my children, for instance, accused me of such things. I would beg them to speak with me. I would say we could go to therapy together to find out what’s going on. I would be desperate….(Hypothetically speaking, of course.)
It is widely known, in the crime detectives arena, the ways in which people behave gives them clues as to their guilt or innocence. Now these are not fool-proof, and you have to consider the situation in its entirety, but they definitely recognize certain patterns that indicate whether the accused is being honest or not.
One of the most controversial issues regarding trying to determine guilt or innocence is the issue of an “LDT”. It is something they will tell you right up front if you are discussing them and their helpfulness, that:
1) They are very unreliable…extremely so, and that’s why they are not admissible in court.- In fact, I know of a case where both parties passed the test!! 2) The detectives only use them as an interrogation tool, not as proof of anything. 3) If you speak to a detective about your abuser taking an “LDT” and “passing”, he will more than likely bust out in laughter, (more on this later). 4) If you tell that detective that your abuser took an”LDT”, on his own – especially with no witnesses, they will tell you that if it were one of their investigations, and the “perp” had done that, they would recognize that as a serious sign of guilt, regardless of the outcome of the test. The quote one detective said is, “We just know then, because innocent people just don’t behave that way.”
So, now, with these things in mind, let’s examine how MY abuser behaved in the days following my claims:
* First of all, it is extremely important to mention that there is another victim, who confronted him 15 years ago. At the time an “LDT” was suggested, and he said his lawyer or counselor, “advised against it because they are so unreliable”. (So, just keep that gem in the back of your mind.)
* So, what happened the day my letter was received? (Since it was delivered by hand, by a courier, we know about when he received it.)
*Well, shortly after he received it he had a phone conversation with – who would you talk to first, if anybody? – his mistress was his natural choice.
*Then, not long after that, his wife came home and recognized no visible upset or emotion from him. She noticed the envelope in which my letter came and asked about it. He coolly made up a lie, then changed the subject and talked about something else. At no time while she was in his presence, did he display any signs of distress or signs that he was upset in any way.
*Following some other phone calls, he connected with another family member who was all too ready to console him. At this point, he may have shown emotion. If he hadn’t earlier, why would he now?: manipulation. But, this family member (thorn in my flesh) needed no manipulation and was ready to pounce with any gossip he told them about me. (He knew some things I was struggling with, that had been shared in confidence, of course, and he shared them with this family so they could disperse the ammunition as needed.)
(All of the above transpired on a Thursday.)
*It is not certain what he did on Friday, other than speak only with people who would say what he wanted to hear, and not one of these people contacted me for my side of the story or to know what was going on.
*As soon as possible, though, he met with the family member (thorn in my flesh) and spouse to whom he had spoken and knew they were all too willing to defend him, regardless of the truth. At this meeting, it was suggested (by the most gullible of the group, who probably really did believe he was innocent) that he go take an “LDT”. So, one can only assume that he was trying to decide if he could beat a test like that, and spent some time in “preparation”.
* Everyone in the family receives a proclamation of his innocence by way of taking an “LDT”, which he “passed with flying colors!”
* The family member who had been so supportive of him (thorn in my flesh), never hearing my side, sent out her own “proclamation”, as well.
Now, let’s just review a few key things:
*Why would he be so willing to take an “LCD” now, when 15 years ago he wouldn’t even consider it? What’s the difference? Well, you’re on it right now…the INTERNET! And do you know it took me less than 5 minutes to pull up a complete video on how to beat an “LDT”, and there were dozens more.
*If he could just go take an “LCD” so easily, why didn’t he do it first thing on Friday? Read above answer for answer to this question also.
*I said I would speak more on this later. If you were to call your average precinct or speak to an officer of the law and say you have established any certain evidence of innocence, because you took an “LTD”, they would, more than likely, bust out in laughter – and the only thing that will be accomplished by taking that test is giving a cop some comic relief.
*When people hear that someone has taken an “LDT”, they imagine a scary precinct interrogation room where they grill you until you crack! Well, that’s just because Law & Order has been on for 25 years! The Police or Sheriff’s offices or precincts DO NOT do “LCD’s” for civilians just because they want to prove they’re innocent of something. In fact, there’s a chance that if he had tried that, and been honest about what he was accused of, it would have launched and investigation and he might have gone straight to jail until it was completed.
* What really happens is you look on-line or in the phone book for companies that offer this as their service. You will be inundated by their credentials and how many perps they’ve collared…blah, blah, blah, when in fact, you have no idea who the person administering the test is or how proficient he is in doing it.
* So, a person that YOU HAVE HIRED …that works for you now, is going to give you a test. Where do the question’s come from?...(brace yourself) they come from the accused and are worded however he deems fit. Then, after making sure their CLIENT is comfortable, they do a practice run of the questions, so it removes any anxiety the CLIENT may have about the process.
* Finally, the person whom the accused has hired, hands him a paper saying that there was “absolutely no deception”. First of all, you couldn’t get those kinds of results from a completely innocent person, because of one thing: having a conscience, so if any question makes them nervous at all, it will show signs of deception, when there really is none. So, the assertion that there is “absolutely” anything is just another sign that this might be more of a paid-for service than evidence of anything.
* There’s something else missing from this picture (and the gullible one was frustrated by this), he took no one with him as a witness to what really transpired. For all we know he could have purchased something that looks like an “LTD”, but means nothing. He did buy the service, after all.
* So, finally we get to his proclamation. Of course, being made aware of certain things that the police know to look for that other’s don’t, we were not so easily impressed. So, we asked for 3 things: 1) a copy of every question asked 2) a copy of, not just the test but, the voice stream at the bottom (we can have that analyzed). and 3) a receipt showing how much he paid for this service.
WE HAVE RECEIVED NOTHING – (even though the gullible one told my husband that my abuser was “sending a copy by certified mail”.)
And you know what? We never will. Narcissistic sociopaths can often beat an”LDT”, because they really have no conscience, but they want everything under their control. He will refuse to be scrutinized by us, or anyone.
One final thing about the day he took the test – after I stopped crying because he really has no conscience – I thought about the fact that a simple change like calling me my full name instead of my nickname (He has never called me by my full name…ever.), and he could be asked questions about that “person” and in his mind, they are not talking about me. Or he could have said that he was accused by a co-worker by my same name, and the questions about her, in his mind, have nothing to do with me. There are any number of variables which he could change, just enough, to not believe he is speaking of what he did to me.
YOU SEE, I KNOW HIM. BETTER THAN MOST. MAYBE BETTER THAN ANYONE.
Anyone can say anything, and if someone wants to believe it bad enough out of selfishness or greed…or whatever, they will, no matter how many questions you raise. People believe what they really want to believe. The truth is, sadly, often secondary.
I’ve written a lot about my ambivalence toward my abuser, and much of that is quickly being resolved, but when I knew he had received my letter, and was denying vehemently, and giving weapons of gossip and slander to others in my family who have yet to care about me….and even though he was being malicious toward me, calling my mental health into question, when it the subject of “LDT’s” came up, I jumped up and said, “I’ll take one if I need to!”, and then I sat right back down….
Because: I had been told there was a chance that if I went to take a Lie Detector Test, and accused him, by my questions, of molesting me, they could be obligated to go straight to his house and arrest him. And I didn’t want him to be arrested.
Do you see the difference in the thinking of one who cares and one who cares only for themselves? Well, I’ve been seeing it, more and more, every day and it literally breaks my heart. No, he breaks my heart…he started breaking it when I was a tiny girl, and he just keeps on breaking it with every lie, every slanderous conversation, every feigned concern about my mental health…that “no one knows what they’ve all been through because of me.” With every breath, he further kills the one I thought he was.
But, I suppose, that’s a good thing…